Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work
This goes against the grain of what many coaches say, and a lot of folks will disagree with it:
If you are a healer, or if you are a deeply sensitive and emotional soul, focusing your energy on clearing limiting beliefs, abundance blocks, and negative thoughts will not work.
Focusing your thoughts and perceptions on the positive, the beautiful, the ideal, and the plentiful will not work. And actually, committing yourself to these kinds of processes will set you back and keep you stuck.
If you are a healer, like me, you need to instead embrace your shadows whole-heartedly, to the point where you seek them out and grab a hold. And through this process you will discover balance, power, trust and love — you will discover who you really are.
I know because I tried all the positive thinking methods. And maybe like you, they left me feeling discouraged, ungrateful and powerless.
Some time ago my intuition called me to heal a deep wound of separation with the physical earth, manifesting in perceptions of lack, instability of finances, and anxiety around manifestation.
I was being called to deeply root myself to the earth itself. So I did—or I thought I did. I grounded in meditation, I focused my thoughts, actions and energy on the wonderful plenitude of the earth’s resources, on the positive energy of money, and on the vision of what I desired to create and change.
But nothing shifted towards the positive. Instead my suffering increased. My physical world revealed itself as hostile on micro and macro levels, as I took in the horrid violence, corruption and vast inequalities of the world, and the worsening physical circumstances of my home and office.
Nothing was at peace. Everything felt chaotic.
And even though I was acknowledging these shadows, something kept me from fully diving into them and taking them on. A critical voice that told me it was wrong to focus on suffering and negativity, and if I did, I would invite more of it in.
I hear that a lot in the coaching industry. And it now frankly disturbs me. If we are pushing away our negativity, we are not really embracing reality. We are both light and dark. We have both an instinct to create, and one to destroy. Life both sucks and is wonderful.
A negative thought is sometimes just that. But usually, it isn’t. That negative thought is the surface level manifestation of something much deeper that lives in our darkness.
When you replace a negative thought with a positive one, the shadow remains. And worse, it goes into hiding, where it will have power over you. This is how we fall out of balance.
When we allow ourselves to instead go towards our shadows, just as we go towards our light, we find balance between them. Two cards that came through over and over in my personal readings during this exploration were the Queen of Pentacles and Two of Pentacles from the Mary El Tarot.
The Queen revealed to me that the earth is as cruel as it is kind—or rather, that is how we perceive it. In fact, the earth is neutral. Just like us, it creates and destroys. In order to truly create, we need to deeply know the part of ourselves that is intent on destruction.
And not destruction in some kind of abstract sense. I mean real destruction of our relationships, our bodies, our finances, our livelihoods, our happiness. We need to get to know the real ways we manifest destruction in our lives.
The two tells us that, as humans, we will only find peace by coming into balance of these poles of creation and destruction.
Only when I was able to fully let in the pain of destruction, allowed it to take hold of me, was I able to process it, and was I able to step into the power of channeling my instinct for destruction in a productive way.
Yes, as a healer, your shadow serves you. This is why you can’t run away from it. You are meant to use it and transmute it.
I needed to feel the grit, the grime, the yuck with my own senses. I needed to take ownership of my own cruelty, face the suffering I created for myself, feel my raw, unmasked pain, and accept the sacrifice required of me in order to discover my power. In order to kick myself into gear, and take real inspired action that served me and others.
Healers live in the shadows more than others. Those of us that are highly sensitive and intuitive feel the darkness more, too. This is because there is SO MUCH healing to be done right now. We are being called like never before to transmute the pain and suffering of this world. And that means experiencing it ourselves.
Only when we fully let in the dark, do we know we will not, nor do we need to stay in it. We realize there is great power for us to use there.
We channel are darkness into acts of love, compassion, courage, rebellion, truth, clearing, release, and sacrifice. Through these acts we discover purpose and the strength of our spirit. And this is how we come back into balance.
What this ultimately means is that if you are relating to this post, the goal is not for you to transmute your shadows so that you once and for all can live in the light. It is not a linear process like that.
Your goal is balance. You will always be traversing both your shadow and light. You will always know both pain and pleasure. This does not mean there is something wrong with you. This does not mean you are being negative. This is, in fact, the reality of being a human being on this planet.
Sometimes the pain comes through physically, sometimes as emotion, and sometimes as pure energy. It need not have words. And, in fact, creating space for the shadow without trying to explain it, describe it, or justify it will allow you to transmute with all the more flow and ease.
We need not be afraid. We need not believe there is an evil demon living inside us. We need not run away from what we have been taught is bad. We need not keep it private because others may tell us we are spreading negativity.
To love is to fully, truly accept. Before we even contemplate the idea of releasing shadows and negativity, we need to actually be in them. We need to ask ourselves, “How do I live with this if nothing changes?” And then find a way.
If you are ready to embrace and transmute your shadows, and discover the power and potential they hold for your personal transformation, learn more about BREAKTHROUGH here. And sign up for a discovery call with me.
(Card featured in top image is from the Sacred Symbols Oracle. Cards featured in the middle image are from the Mary-El Tarot.)